Today my family is celebrating TransParent Day. This new holiday was thought into existence by other trans people with children in response to a very real awkwardness our children feel when confronted with Fathers Day and Mothers Day. Sometimes they struggle with how to celebrate their relationship with a parent who has transitioned away from their former gender role – and we struggle along with them.
For our family TranParent Day came as a bit of a god-send.
I discovered the concept this past year (and I wrote about it here: Fathers Day for a Transgendered Parent), just after my kids struggled with whether or not to include me in Mothers Day, and just before they felt obligated to celebrate Fathers Day. I was personally struggling with the situation as well. Trying to play the “father” role was one of the most stressful and gender dysphoric aspects of my former life. Far from something to celebrate, it’s something that hurts to be reminded about.
Besides, my kids don’t call me “father,” or “dad.” And they don’t call me “mother” or “mom” either. They call me “nai” (and occasionally “mama”). But I love my kids as much as any other parent. They’re so central to my life – to my entire concept of who I am – it could never feel right to just do nothing to celebrate those special relationships.
“Happy TransParent Day!” were the first words I heard as I rolled out of bed this morning (delivered by my middle child, the 8 year old Mighty-B). Dinner will be one of my all-time favorites (coq au vin – the Alton Brown version). Then we’ll share a little pumpkin cake, because it’s a special day for all of us. It’s going to be a little holiday for the whole family, and that elevates the whole weekend in my book.
But more than all of that I’m happy to have a special day to mark our success together in navigating the gender transition of a parent while remaining a family.
Diana,
I love your honesty with yourself and your family. I read this article and the one you linked, “Father’s Day for a Transgendered Parent”. I had seen an Oprah show about transgendered children once years ago that was really moving. It was interesting to read about the topic from a parent’s perspective. I hope other people going through the same experiences and feelings that you are going through feel comfort in your posts!
Veronica Samuels
http://www.worldmomsblog.com
I’m glad there is a day for you and your family to celebrate the fact that you are still a parent after transition. Enjoy your day and your special dinner!
I just came home from a Transparent Day luncheon hosted by one of the founders of the day. It’s a super idea… as you say, it came about because the daughter of one of the founders was uncomfortable celebrating Fathers’ Day. And the holiday was born.
Happy Transparent Day!!
This is great to hear! I am so glad you were able to celebrate it sounds like you had a great day!
S.
Oh, and I just reread this again, and what your child did… pretty amazing stuff. The whole day.
So awesome.
Glad your day was wonderful, and you’re very fortunate that your kids have come as far as they have.
(My relationship continues to improve with my teens, but they still call me Dad regardless of my presentation and I’m not really in a position to ask for changes in that yet… aside from the fact I did play a father role in their life for many years, and their mom has maintained all female space for herself.)
For me this day is just another reminder that society considers us neither male nor female, and that some within our community hoist this upon all of us as well. I do not celebrate nor observe this day, as my children consider me their other mommy, but if they decided that they wanted to honor me on fathers day than that would be fine too, but I am not going to reject my current status as a female parent or my past as the person who fathered them in favor of a day that invalidates me as having a specific gender.
Well certainly if it makes you uncomfortable, I wouldn’t recommend observing the day.
On the other hand I don’t find anything about the day “invalidating” about my gender. My spouse and kids accept me as a woman. This is the reason Fathers Day became so uncomfortable for all of us.
To us it’s not about “woman” and “not really woman.” It’s about two female parents who each deserve their own special day. It works for us.